Duke

This little boy went to Heaven yesterday.  He was a big ol' LOVE.  All he really wanted out of life was a warm lap, a car ride and an occasional rumpus with his big sister. 

He will be missed.

I couldn't do that

Because this is my blog I get to say whatever I want.  If you don't like it Please feel free to not read it.

This is going to be a rambling post. 

People often tell me they couldn't foster a child.  I usually ask why, most of the time the answer is I couldn't give them back, it would hurt too bad.

Let me tell you it does hurt too BAD.  More than you could imagine.  There are so many emotions.  We aren't in foster care to add to our family. 

Our last placement was HARD really HARD.  I put my heart and soul into her for 4 short/long months.  I worked hard to give her a home and a family that could give her the space to do as much healing as possible.  I held her during rages and set boundaries and listened to stories no person should ever have to live through.  I took her to therapy and dr. apts.  I threw her a birthday party and held her when she was sick.  I was her mom for that short time.  Most day's I didn't think I could continue and  would tell Pete that I was DONE.  One step in front of another we made it until she could go to her forever home. 

The night before she left our home.  I held her and we both cried for a very long time.  It was a beautiful testimony to our story together to her healing and learning and growing.  Mine too.

All those who say they can't do it because it would hurt too bad.  You are right, it does hurt REALLY unbelievable bad.  I feel called to do this.  One foot in front of the other. 

We are three weeks into doing it all over again.  They are different kids with a different story.  My guess is it will hurt too BAD again.