Wednesday, November 1, 2017

I couldn't do that

Because this is my blog I get to say whatever I want.  If you don't like it Please feel free to not read it.

This is going to be a rambling post. 

People often tell me they couldn't foster a child.  I usually ask why, most of the time the answer is I couldn't give them back, it would hurt too bad.

Let me tell you it does hurt too BAD.  More than you could imagine.  There are so many emotions.  We aren't in foster care to add to our family. 

Our last placement was HARD really HARD.  I put my heart and soul into her for 4 short/long months.  I worked hard to give her a home and a family that could give her the space to do as much healing as possible.  I held her during rages and set boundaries and listened to stories no person should ever have to live through.  I took her to therapy and dr. apts.  I threw her a birthday party and held her when she was sick.  I was her mom for that short time.  Most day's I didn't think I could continue and  would tell Pete that I was DONE.  One step in front of another we made it until she could go to her forever home. 

The night before she left our home.  I held her and we both cried for a very long time.  It was a beautiful testimony to our story together to her healing and learning and growing.  Mine too.

All those who say they can't do it because it would hurt too bad.  You are right, it does hurt REALLY unbelievable bad.  I feel called to do this.  One foot in front of the other. 

We are three weeks into doing it all over again.  They are different kids with a different story.  My guess is it will hurt too BAD again. 

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

24hrs

It has been 24 hours since this photo was taken. 

We had said all sorts of goodbyes, the kids at the bus stop, neighbors, dogs, teacher, friends . . .

Not our goodbye, we never said goodbye.

The night before, her final night in her bedroom (she slept not in her bed but under the desk)  I held her and we cried, we cried and cried.  It was healthy grieving.  The best part is that she chose, she DID healthy grieving.  

All the arguing, know-it-all behavior and constant supervision melted away.  This girl healed and grew so much in our care.  I didn't know we could be that family for a kid.  

We did not say goodbye because her dad and girlfriend promise to let us still be part of their family.  It will look very different than her living with us.  

I love you sweet A!  




I am weepy.  The weirdest things make me cry.  I am doing my best to walk right through the pain, not around it. 

I am asked why we do this and all I can say other than we are crazy  . . . it is crazy faith.  This is exactly what we are "supposed" to be doing. 

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Foster update

Our little foster girl - I call her Little Miss.

We have had this sweet, argumentative, music loving girl for 4 months now.  There was an article in the news paper about the abuse her and her siblings endured.  She is a kid with a significant amount of trauma in her life and significant amount of behaviors that go with the trauma.

Little Miss has been in therapy for several months now.  Today I had a care-giver apt with her therapist.  She pointed out to me how much healing has happened in our Little Miss' life.  Wow!!  Several months ago the therapist asked me why I do this/fostering . . . "I don't know!"  "I guess I feel called"  I really had no real reason except it is what I am supposed to be doing.  It feels clear to me and, hubby said Yes.  Today our lovely therapist reminded me of the "calling" and how I followed my "gut" (other sessions she has reminded me to follow my instincts because they are good)  She went on to say whatever Faith you have is leading you well because Little Miss has done a lot of healing with your love and care.

We are doing hard stuff, really hard stuff but when I hear how much we have impacted Little Miss' life my faith is renewed.

We may be saying goodbye to Little Miss soon.  For a long time I was very ready to say goodbye because I was so "done" and frustrated. Who am I kidding  . . . this is gonna be hard and sad.  I will miss her.  Thankfully goodbye won't be forever but a new chapter and relationship will begin.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

First Day of School




My first born is a SENIOR!!! How in the hell did this happen?!  
I pray for success, growth, happiness and peace.  I love this kid.  

Sixth Grader

Someone may have "dropped a rose"

8th grader


4th grader, my baby




TEN!

She went and turned 10 years old.  My baby is TEN!!



Party Shenanigans










Cousins


Sunday, July 23, 2017

HONK!!!


It went fast!! 4 weeks in the making.

My boy went into tryouts saying he just wanted to be in the ensemble, he didn't really want a speaking part.  

HAHA!!  He got the part of UGLY!!! Not only a speaking part but several solos. 


I hate to say the lead role but really it was.  My boy learned so much over the last 4 weeks.  He made his momma so so PROUD!!

He made many new friends.


Ugly


SWAN!  The story was so sad and sweet.   I may have cried at EVERY.SINGLE.SHOW!  Like lots of tears!  PROUD! PROUD! PROUD!