Thursday, April 10, 2014


Not really much info.

We know her nerve damage is just outside the spinal cord low on her back.  We know there is a "clump" of nerves.  The big punch in the gut was that her nerves continue to be getting damaged.  We do not have a cause.  I feel like we are in limbo land big time.  I also felt a bit like her neurologist is done.  We were refereed to a neurosurgeon.  So many questions with very little answers.  I will continue to push for more.

We are scheduling a wheel chair evaluation.  This girl of mine falls ALL the TIME.  Probably 20-50 times a day.  She did just get a AFO but at age 9 learning to use it may be part of the problem.

Sorry this is a boring post but I just wanted to get it written down.  

Thursday, April 3, 2014


Evie has an MRI and and EMG tomorrow.   She is scheduled for 4 hours of full sedation.  Of you are the praying type please pray for our girl.  I could use a few too.


Sometimes it is a BAD thing.

I am sitting at my computer doing some reports for LWB.  Of course that means many cute orphan faces.  Too much for a momma's heart to handle.  It really breaks me into little pieces just about every time I sit down to get work done.  It doesn't help when little Evie walks over and asks if she can have this one (a cute baby 2.5 year old girl with a cleft palate and some developmental delays)  I told her to ask her dad. am I mean or what??

Last night as I was holding sweet Evie wiping away her tears.  Tears of pain and loss HUGE grieving sobs that lasted for what seemed like hours though only really about 45 minutes.  I said DONE I am DONE our family is complete DONE DONE DONE.  This hurts! at the same time I feel blessed to be the momma who walks her through this.  CRAZY!

When my girl feels so sad.  I look at her and feel so much love for her.  I wonder if she feels the love I have for her.  I wonder if she has a teeny tiny clue as to what love feels like?  Has she ever felt true unconditional love?  Does she know we love her?  or  Does she even know what love is?

Today as I finish up my reports.  Seeing so many faces that need to feel love.  How will we I ever be done???

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Happy 10th Birthday

Thanking God for this little Chinese Girl!  
So blessed to have her in my life. 

 Looking forward to learning about those first ten years and spending the next 10Xforever with my Evie.

Monday, March 24, 2014


We are going with 10 years old.  At least for now.  Who knows . . . we never really will know?

I am going to guess that my daughter has never had a birthday party or present or cake.  Probably never in her life.

I always ponder my boys births on the eve of their birthday.  Such precious memories.  I love thinking about those sweet baby boys.  Their smell and little feet, soft skin and tiny hands.  LOVE!

The girls it is different because I was not there.  I have NO idea how it all went.  Were they born in a hospital?  Probably not, but I don't know.  Who was at the birth?  Was it hidden?  Was the decision made to give them up before or after their birth . . . so many questions.  So on this eve of Evelyn's birth I imagine . . .

Tonight I think of Evelyns birth mom.  I bet she thinks of her around her birthday (probably everyday)  but I can't imagine not knowing where my baby was and if she was O.K.  I would give so much to let her know that our daughter is loved and cherished and being cared for.  Our daughter . . . what a crazy thing to say.

Yep look at OUR beautiful daughter.

Thank you!  Thank you! Thank you!  a thousand times more for giving this girl life.  I bet she gets her big ol'  smile from you. 

Friday, March 21, 2014

Spring Do

Before pick - post braid

My friend and hair lady (we met when we were 2)

My darling girl with her super cute hair cut

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Missing China

Tonight we called China mom.  I so wish I had the slightest clue as to what was said.  They talked for about a half hour then she wanted to call China mom #2.  They talked for about a half hour.  Thank God for calling cards.  

Things seemed to have gone well.

"mom . . . tomorrow take Naomi and Than  school and go car go China"  So sorry sweet girl but we must take a airplane to China.  

Bless her sweet little heart.  I can only imagine how homesick she must feel.  

Probably time for some good Chinese food.