Sunday, January 6, 2019

5 years

Forever Family Day #5

I love remembering this day.  5 years ago in Hefei China we got handed a crazy, inquisitive, tiny, weathered, scared, squeaky (didn't talk), sneaky and beautiful little girl. 

It wasn't easy but I would choose to do it all over again and again for her, for us.  

She was itty bitty.  When we got home from China I bought her 5t clothes at almost 10 years old.

Her siblings were so excited to finally have her. 

She would sneak out of bed and hunt down any phone or kindle she could get her hands on. 

These are some happy parents . . . so so happy!

Now she has about 25 stuffed panda's on her bed

Is gorgeous, kind, compassionate, loving, smart, cello playing, singing and the best teenage daughter I could have ever asked for. 

Except for when she is giving me heart attacks for speeding so fast in her chair or doing some other dare devil act. 

Saturday, September 8, 2018


June 16th 2018

I only cried a handful of times.  My first born graduated and this packs a lot of emotions.  I guess the biggest is LOVE and Pride.  


I am so behind on so many things. 

Here are some photos of my handsome boy.  Headed to prom!  He went with his buddies.  Not really his thing but he did it and had a good enough time.  I am so glad he went.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Last Day!!

This kid of mine finished his very last day of school.

Graduation is on Saturday. 

I will post more later because today I can't quite see through my teary eyes. 

Thursday, November 30, 2017


This little boy went to Heaven yesterday.  He was a big ol' LOVE.  All he really wanted out of life was a warm lap, a car ride and an occasional rumpus with his big sister. 

He will be missed.

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

I couldn't do that

Because this is my blog I get to say whatever I want.  If you don't like it Please feel free to not read it.

This is going to be a rambling post. 

People often tell me they couldn't foster a child.  I usually ask why, most of the time the answer is I couldn't give them back, it would hurt too bad.

Let me tell you it does hurt too BAD.  More than you could imagine.  There are so many emotions.  We aren't in foster care to add to our family. 

Our last placement was HARD really HARD.  I put my heart and soul into her for 4 short/long months.  I worked hard to give her a home and a family that could give her the space to do as much healing as possible.  I held her during rages and set boundaries and listened to stories no person should ever have to live through.  I took her to therapy and dr. apts.  I threw her a birthday party and held her when she was sick.  I was her mom for that short time.  Most day's I didn't think I could continue and  would tell Pete that I was DONE.  One step in front of another we made it until she could go to her forever home. 

The night before she left our home.  I held her and we both cried for a very long time.  It was a beautiful testimony to our story together to her healing and learning and growing.  Mine too.

All those who say they can't do it because it would hurt too bad.  You are right, it does hurt REALLY unbelievable bad.  I feel called to do this.  One foot in front of the other. 

We are three weeks into doing it all over again.  They are different kids with a different story.  My guess is it will hurt too BAD again. 

Wednesday, September 27, 2017


It has been 24 hours since this photo was taken. 

We had said all sorts of goodbyes, the kids at the bus stop, neighbors, dogs, teacher, friends . . .

Not our goodbye, we never said goodbye.

The night before, her final night in her bedroom (she slept not in her bed but under the desk)  I held her and we cried, we cried and cried.  It was healthy grieving.  The best part is that she chose, she DID healthy grieving.  

All the arguing, know-it-all behavior and constant supervision melted away.  This girl healed and grew so much in our care.  I didn't know we could be that family for a kid.  

We did not say goodbye because her dad and girlfriend promise to let us still be part of their family.  It will look very different than her living with us.  

I love you sweet A!  

I am weepy.  The weirdest things make me cry.  I am doing my best to walk right through the pain, not around it. 

I am asked why we do this and all I can say other than we are crazy  . . . it is crazy faith.  This is exactly what we are "supposed" to be doing.