Sunday, November 8, 2009

My Sweet Girl . . .


Is having a very hard time.

She is so clingy to both Pete and I. The last couple of days she needs to be held or starts crying. She cried today when her grandpa left her. If she is going about her business (playing happily) it takes nothing to set her back again. She just does not want her pack split up. Her naps are only about an hour long and she wakes up screaming. Sleep was horrible last night. She woke up 7 times. I feel like we are back to when we first got home, maybe even worse. I'm not sure what she is going through. Maybe she is getting sick, but I don't think that is what it is. She is sad... just pitiful.

Tonight we decided to put her crib back in our room and I sat with her until she fell asleep. Back to square one.

I find myself getting frustrated with her. We love her, kiss her, feed her, keep her safe and warm and have fun with her. She has been with us for almost a year. What could possibly be the problem? Could the anniversary of the final abandonment be peeking its ugly head up? Poor baby, she has been abandoned by her birth mom, and 2 foster moms. Although we tell her often she is ours forever, how is she to know that it is never going to happen again. Kids can't go through this and have no effects.

Parenting an adopted child is different, it has to be. I find myself doubting our parenting with her. When I tell her no snack just before dinner and she completely freaks out my instinct is "too bad, you wait" (that is what I did for my boys) but she has food issues. One does not go from 3% to 68% on the growth/weight chart in a matter of months and not have food issues. She just did not get enough in China.

This is hard. Not a surprise, but hard.



How I love this little girl.
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3 comments:

Carrie said...

So sorry to hear you guys are going through a rough time ... Sadie developed some sleep issues months after she was doing fine, too. We've just recently gotten her back in her bed. I also find myself questioning my parenting ... and the rules have changed some, too! I'm always asking myself, "Is this TWO? Is this GIRL? Is this ADOPTION/ATTACHMENT? Is this just HER? ... " Praying for you ...

Jolene and Dan Powell said...

I could have written this post Amy, but we've only been home 2.5 months, not a year. I sort of came to a conclusion recently that so many behaviors are going to be things we deal with for a life time. But, we love our children and will make the choices we deem best in the moment. You know you have support! We really should meet up sometime, we're not that far apart!

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Amy,
I am really praying for you...and hoping that things get a bit easier..and while I do not have an adopted child..I do have 5 and I can tell you they are all so different with their own unique personalities..and as a parent..YOU will ALWAYS question if what you are doing is right...
I just had this convo with my mom today...the kind of parent I WAS 15 years ago with my first is SO VERY DIFFERENT than who I am today..things I never would have let be before...I kinda of just let slide now...(if I think it is not worth the battle...sometimes in life you need to pick your battles)...
I look at LeeLee and I question myself all the time...like am I being too lazy/easy with her b/c I am just plain tired and worn out..
If you read my post you will get a pic of what I am kinda going thru..amazingly overwhelmed...and in my wildest dream I never would have imagined I would be here..and I feel incredibly sad at times...feels like people might think I am unhappy that I had a 5th
and that is not the case..I love her immensely..could NOT picture my life with out her...
just in a funny place right now...that I am hoping to get out of...love all my kids dearly......would NOT trade this journey for another one...as I imagine you feel as well:)
Praying for your family...Annmarie